Dr Mario's patients
by uhyeahitsteamdark
Summary: Rated T for violence! All of the smashers have individual problems and need to see Dr. Mario. Will he be able to help them? Eighth Chapter: Mr. Game and Watch. Insomnia?
1. Yoshi

**Please review. It's been a while since I updated SSBM TECHNIQUES AND MOVES, I know, but I got grounded AGAIN. I made a new smash story though. How much does the idiot Dr. Mario actually know about his patients?**

**Chapter 1: Yoshi**

I do not own any of the Super Smash Brothers. Nintendo owns them.

Author's comment: This chapter will probably make you dumber. Probably the others will, too.

A bored Dr. Mario sat alone in his chair, looking out the window of his office. His eyes slowly drooped down, but then he immediately jerked his head up and snapped his eyes opened to prevent falling asleep. But then, it happened again. His eyes began to slowly droop down...this time, his tired position was interrupted by fierce yelling The door flew off and out the window, shattering the glass. Yoshi, in kicking position, was revealed at the door holding a gun and a black sweater.

He ran toward Dr. Mario and put the gun to his head. "Don't move!" he shrieked. "DON'T MOVE!" he repeated three seconds later, though Dr. Mario had not moved at all. He stared in terror at Yoshi, shaking and beads of sweat sliding down his forehead.

"H-hello, sir, dinosaur thing," he stuttered, leaning his head back as Yoshi's approached it. "Wh-why are you here? What do you need?" He took a pillow out of nowhere and used it as a shield for his face.

"Doctors are doctors," Yoshi sneered, pushing the gun through the pillow until he felt Dr. Mario's forehead. "You're supposed to help me."

"With what?" Dr. Mario wondered nervously, thinking more about helping himself.

"I think I might have anger management," admitted Yoshi, his position unchanged.

"Well, I'm not sure how you made it so secretive," said Dr. Mario, before thinking better of anything that might get Yoshi angrier.

Yoshi's probably too dumb to get it anyway, Dr. Mario thought.

Yoshi sat down on the chair across from Dr. Mario and set his gun down on a third chair that really shouldn't have been there considering psychiatrists were probably supposed to be two-person only. "Any wrong moves and you're _dead_," Yoshi spat. "I came here to get my problems solved, not to get my head covered in lemons."

Dr. Mario would've normally argued at lack of coherence, but since dinosaurs seemed dangerous even without guns, he chose to simply respond with the word, "What?" in confusion.

"Oh...uh...sorry...never mind. Just help me. Give me the medicine or whatever, or tell me how or whatever you guys do."

"Fine. My first suggestion would be to have something to replace the person who gets you mad, so you'll get used to it. Like this!" he added, holding up a lemon. Yoshi grabbed it and held it in his hand. "All right, I'm going to say a few things to you." Dr. Mario stood up, no longer very nervous. "When you start to get mad, instead of killing me, squeeze the lemon! All right...you're stupid!" Yoshi was squeezing the lemon and his face became red. "You're an idiot! A complete retard who has no life!"

Yes, it's working! Thought Dr. Mario, seeing Yoshi about to explode.

Finally, Yoshi...burst out laughing? This left Dr. Mario in confusion. "Those are the most pathetic insults I've ever heard! Did you even have any friends in school?" Dr. Mario grew embarrassed and furious as Yoshi rolled over on the floor with his lemon, roaring with laughter. He finally got up, chuckled a little and opened his eyes, wiping a tear away.

"Oh, man! I'll never be angry again! You _are _a good doctor!" Dr. Mario smiled triumphantly at his success...not realizing that Yoshi was still squeezing the lemon through his laughter. The whole thing exploded and the juice flew all over Yoshi, who stopped dead in his tracks. He glared at Dr. Mario and gritted his teeth angrily. "You're dead," he said promptly. He shrieked a battle cry and Dr. Mario screamed while running out of his office, while Yoshi took his gun and chased him.

Dr. Mario darted through the field like a bullet, until he ran into a wall. Yoshi quickly caught up and aimed the gun right at Dr. Mario's head. He was cornered in. Yoshi got ready...and fired the gun. Yoshi yelled in pain as he was thrown backward onto the ground and closed his eyes, dead, as he had aimed the end that actually shot at himself on accident. Blood flowed through the grass and Dr. Mario brushed off his pants and headed off toward his office for the next patient.

**Review. The next victim...uh, patient will be Donkey Kong. **


	2. Donkey Kong

**Yeah, I'm back. Though it wasn't very much, I got more reviews than expected. Chapter 2 is, as said, Donkey Kong. What's his problem?**

**Chapter 2: Donkey Kong**

I do not own any of the smash brothers.

Dr. Mario sat on a chair in his office, spinning his black chair around meaninglessly while at the same time fiddling with his new gun, which Yoshi had generously given to him over his dead body. He continued to spin around his chair, the tan colors of his office spinning rapidly in his vision while he shouted with glee. As if noise activated, the chair abruptly stopped when the sound of a knock on a door emitted, and Dr. Mario was sent flying out of his recently repaired window. He muttered angrily as he climbed back in.

He walked dizzily toward the door and opened it to reveal Donkey Kong. "Another patient," Dr. Mario commented observantly. Donkey Kong walked in and just stared, drooling.

"Stop," demanded Dr. Mario. "You're gonna flood my floor." Donkey Kong continued until suddenly he jerked his head up as if he had just noticed Dr. Mario.

"What are you doing here?" Donkey Kong roared furiously.

"I-I work here," Dr. Mario stated, confused.

"Oh," said Donkey Kong. "Why am I here?"

"You came in here."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Who are you?"

"Dr. Mario."

"Oh, ok...where is this place? What are you doing here, and who are you?" Donkey Kong snapped defensively.

"You have short term memory problems, don't you?" the genius doctor noticed.

"No way! I only have...I...have no problems...why am I at a doctor's? Or are you really a doctor? Who are you?"

"All right, I guess you do."

"Do what?"

"There are simple ways to solve this," assured Doctor Mario. "Um...but I don't know them. I'll have to think of my own ways. Uh...try repeating a process a lot of times, and eventually it'll be stuck to you...or something...I've got it! You keep juggling this banana--" He gestured to a banana that had somehow appeared in his hand--"and just keep watching it until you get what you've been doing!"

Dr. Mario handed Donkey Kong the banana, and he juggled it repetitively in the air, and then he suddenly stopped. "A banana!" the ape cried joyfully. He shoved it into his mouth and chewed happily.

"All right, we'll try it again," said Dr. Mario, irritated. This same thing happened numerous times, until Dr. Mario became completely furious. "I'VE HAD IT!" he roared.

The sudden noise startled Donkey Kong who was in the middle of juggling his twelfth banana, and he accidentally threw it up in the air. It plummeted down forcefully and impacted Donkey Kong's head. He cried and fell over, his eyes rolling at a rapid speed, but decelerating. Eventually, they came to a complete stop and he looked around the office.

"I remember...I remember!" Donkey Kong yelled. "I'm remembering everything!"

"I am a great doctor," Dr. Mario admitted, thinking he was modest.

But then, he realized that the crash had caused him to lose his long-term memory, and because he had his short-term memory, he knew how he had lost it. He wanted his childhood memories back, and he longed for revenge on Dr. Mario. He looked daggers at him, but then Dr. Mario took out his new gun and fired it at Donkey Kong until he died. He took Donkey Kong's watch that he had on his wrist and kept it, and then threw the monkey out the window.

**Review...**


	3. Mewtwo

**I'm back, and once again surprised by the amount of reviews.**

**Thanks!**

**Everyone who reviewed gets a chicken nugget...**

**Everyone who reviewed a good review gets a chicken nugget that doesn't taste stale...**

**Everyone who reviewed a bad review, which was no one so far, gets a burnt stale chicken nugget.**

**I looked at some of your suggestions. For the person who told me to write Bowser's chapter next, his will be chapter four. **

**Chapter 3: Mewtwo**

I do not own any of the smashers.

Dr. Mario started his favorite hobby, rolling his wheeled chair around while thinking about what was to come. His mouth opened unnaturally wide as the force hit it uneasily, and the window behind him had been repaired. Eventually, he got bored, stopped the chair and stared at the office door.

He jumped in surprise when the door was swallowed by a purple aura, pieces of wood blowing off in many directions. When the smoke faded away, Mewtwo was revealed in the opening, folding his arms and closing his eyes. He floated into the tan room.

"Why did you break down my door?" snapped Dr. Mario.

"Let's just say it wasn't worthy of my presence," Mewtwo replied calmly. "The only reason I'm here is because my friend said I have a problem, and you're the only doctor nearby so I guess you'll have to do."

Dr. Mario shook furiously. "Well, you _do _have a problem."

"You have no right to talk," Mewtwo responded in his dark tone. "I haven't seen anyone so completely flawed in a while."

"Probably because your eyes are closed."

"Oh. Right." Mewtwo opened his eyes and stared indifferently at Dr. Mario.

"What do you have, a superiority complex?" Dr. Mario snorted.

"Many people might say that I possess too much confidence, but I believe that it is just enough, considering my status, if not under confident."

"Yeah, you have a superiority complex," Dr. Mario assured. "There are ways to fix that though, but I just have to think of them. Hmm...I've got it! Keep saying something bad about yourself until you feel regularly confident!"

"I already feel regularly confident, but I think I know what you mean; you're not that difficult to read, and this should be an easy task. No wait...can't...say...insult...about...myself..."

Dr. Mario stared blankly. "This is pathetic."

"He's right," said Mewtwo. "I can do anything! But I can't insult myself! How pathetic is that? I can't do something so simple...I'm not superior to anyone!" Mewtwo continued to whine, and then he jumped into a conveniently placed bucket that was big enough to fit even Bowser and started crying. Eventually, the whole thing filled up with water.

Mewtwo only had a second's air left until he realized he was drowning, and then he died.

"All the creatures try to try my advice, but it never works," cursed Dr. Mario. "Then, something happens from there and it does work without me doing anything! I want to be a good doctor...at least another one died..." Dr. Mario grabbed Mewtwo and threw him out the window, and then cursed because the window had not been broken this chapter.

**Yeah, sorry it was short. Review.**


	4. Bowser

**I understand that it isn't exactly satisfying to have to wait a while to have to read something and then barely get it, so I'll try and make this chapter longer. Thanks for all who reviewed, and I'm glad you like this story.**

**Chapter 4: Bowser**

A green light surrounded Dr. Mario's window to protect any other way of breaking it again. He tried to sit on his chair and get it to roll around, but it crashed down to the floor. He furiously picked up his chair and forcefully threw it...crashing through the light and breaking the window. Dr. Mario yelled obnoxiously loud.

He took a deep breath, and a brief nap.

His eyes opened to a huge devilish face staring him down. He jumped up and shrieked. "Bowser!"

"WHAT?"

"We're enemies! Why are you here?"

"WHAT?"

"WE'RE ENEMIES!" Dr. Mario roared.

"I CAN'T HERE YOU! THE LAST THINGS I HEARD WERE A WINDOW BREAKING AND SOME IDIOT YELLING! NOW I'M DEAF!"

"Oh. Ok then...I really don't think you can solve that..."

"WHAT?"

"Or maybe we can! All we need is the dangerous Sound Wave 3000!"

"WHAT?"

"It can help you hear! Come on!" Dr. Mario gestured for Bowser to follow...and they walked and walked...they walked all the way to the building across the street.

Peach was the person at the counter. "Hello, may I help you?" she said and bowed.

"Yeah, we'd like a Sound Wave. Bowser wen--"

"Hello, may I help you?" she said, bowing again, her eyes growing enormous and a smile splitting across her face, and for some reason her feet.

"You're not supposed to have a mouth in your feet, but OK," said Dr. Mario. "Bowser went deaf and--"

"Hello, may I help you?" she repeated, and sparks flew around her and her head blew up, to reveal it was a robot being manipulated by Mr. Saturns.

"UGH!" yelled Dr. Mario. He began to curse wildly, rampaging everywhere. Birds, bees, and elephants were flying across the sky just to elude his constant yelling.

He then yelled so completely loud that a colossal Sound Wave emitted from his mouth and charged at Bowser. It hit his ear with such force that he flew over, causing the ceiling to start falling. Dr. Mario darted out of the building while Bowser, who had recently gotten back his ability to hear from the Sound Wave, was dancing and unabashed to the fact that the ceiling was falling, until it was on top of him and he died.

Back at Dr. Mario's office...

Dr. Mario sprinted back in, sweating uncontrollably and rubbing his hands together. The ghost of Yoshi appeared in his office and stared at him for no reason. "My gun..." it moaned. "My gun..." He then sounded like he was throwing up, and Dr. Mario knew what he was looking for. He knew what the ghost wanted. He knew what he had to do. And so he picked up Yoshi's gun, raised it...and shot Yoshi and well that was the end of that even though he was a ghost.

Next, the ghost of Donkey Kong came. It was going to be a long day.

**Uh, come to think of it, that wasn't very long...sorry about that...anyway, next chapter is Peach. **


	5. Peach

**Sorry for the lack of updates. Fine, I'm not that sorry. Anyway, this chapter is Peach. The next chapter will be Ice Climbers. That means I don't care about your suggestions for characters until next chapter, and I don't really care about them then either but I don't have that many ideas for characters on my own.**

**Chapter 5: Peach**

I don't own the Smashers.

Dr. Mario was spinning so incredibly fast in his rolling chair that it was starting to burrow a large hole in the floor. After successfully ripping off Luigi's game and stealing his vacuum, he was able to dispose of the ghosts.

Dr. Mario climbed out of the hole that had once been his floor and tried to fill it up with new chairs that had conveniently appeared right before. For one chair, however, he accidentally tripped and fell and it was hurled through the window. He shrieked in annoyance.

He immediately calmed himself down, as he had wanted to become a better doctor and it didn't seem like the patients were too comfortable around him; he wanted to make them feel more at home.

He heard a knock on the wooden door. He made an impression that it was an effort to escape the chair, and he gave an exaggerated yawn. When he opened the door, Peach was there.

"Come in!" said Peach, walking in. Dr. Mario looked confused.

"OK..." he said. He thought about asking what her problem was, but he immediately jerked that thought away as he remembered his comforting rule, though Peach was starting to scare him. "Would you like some food?"

"NO!" Peach screamed at the top of her lungs. "Food is for fat people! Are you calling me _fat_?"

"Um...no..."

"Oh," said Peach, embarrassed.

"Oh, you're anorexic," assumed Dr. Mario.

"Actually, I've never eaten a stool before," admitted Peach.

"Uh...yeah let's just go to the next topic. How we should help you get rid of your problem. Maybe if you just eat a lot of food..."

"N-n-no!" said Peach nervously. Darkness blanketed the room entirely, and obnoxiously loud gasps were heard even though there was no one gasping. Peach looked down at her feet as she headed toward the door, and when she got right up close a metal seal flew over it.

Meanwhile, Dr. Mario was talking in very slow motion while is mouth stretched out abnormally wide. After the ridiculous act ended, Dr. Mario was heading toward the meat but accidentally tripped because he's uncoordinated. He fell on another table, and a bunch of vegetables flew into Peach's mouth.

It slid down her throat and she grimaced even though she liked it. "This isn't making me any fatter..." she observed happily. "Nice method!"

Dr. Mario would've been proud of his success, particularly because solving any of Peach's problems was clearly an accomplishment, but he was angry on the inside, as it was evident that something you ate wasn't going to immediately make you fatter.

I should've known Peach would be too stupid," said Dr. Mario, slapping his forehead because he liked to attack himself or something.

"Yeah, her intelligence quotient is in no way complex and is inferior to numerous others," laughed Dr. Mario in an intellectual manner.

Peach's eyes began to roll uncontrollably at the words that might've been large to the average second grader. Eventually, her head exploded and she died. I guess.

**Not very long but oh well. Review! **


	6. Ice Climbers

**I'm updating this story...I guess...**

**Reviews:**

**Joebthegreat: Thanks for telling me that...I guess I know the truth now...**

**RoyalFanatic: They'll probably all be short...I dunno...This one might be longer...**

**Turquoise Lunarian: That's probably what I'll do for this chapter.**

**Ptpeach: You keep laughing...it could haunt you in your sleep...**

**Chapter 6: Ice Climbers**

I don't own the Smashers.

Dr. Mario did a flip through the air and landed on the ground of some random arena before throwing funny bones everywhere. They all hit people, who laughed so hard they died. Dr. Mario threw a rope upward and began to climb the mountain in the vicinity.

An avalanche came and wiped him down into his office, breaking his window and covering it in snow.

He used a vacuum and sucked up all the snow, to reveal the ice climbers on the ground. The snow avalanche had knocked them through as well. That's an inference that you should have made.

"What do you want?" Dr. Mario muttered apathetically.

"Your mom!" shrieked Popo furiously.

"He thinks everything is an insult," added Nana.

"Is that the problem you guys visited for?"

"Actually, no...uh...we visited accidentally but now that we're here..."

"I know," said Dr. Mario. "You like each other and you're siblings, right?"

"How did you know?" yelled Popo causing many walls of the office begin crumbling down.

"Never mind. I know exactly what to do."

Pause.

"OK not really. But still, I can try and figure something out. Wait...I got it! You can date other people until you're over each other! Come back in a while and tell me the results!"

A few days later...

Popo was walking around with Samus, who was oblivious to the fact that he was a kid.

Despite Popo's many attempts to get Samus' spacesuit off, she kept wearing it.

"Hey, baby," said Popo. "Wanna go to the shack? The love shack?" A song played in the background.

"Sure," said Samus. "Right after I finish my green beans," she added flirtatiously, even though there was no reason to flirt about green beans and she didn't even have any.

He started to use "witty" pick-up lines.

"You must be hot, because the sun has been out all day long and trees are starting to topple over and there's a volcano in the distance! Wait..."

Meanwhile, with Nana...

"Sorry, I'm not interested," Nana harshly rejected someone who had no idea who she was and had never talked to her. The guy looked confused.

Nana decided to be lesbian...she went up to Zelda and...stuff happened...and Link got mad...but Nana and Zelda weren't...

Back at the office about a week later...

"We're no longer attracted to each other!" they both yelled at the same time. They told the whole story.

"Zelda's lesbian?" said Dr. Mario. "Oh, uh, I mean, great! Your problems are over!"

An avalanche started in the distance.

"But I just need to repair one wall..." he shot Popo an irritated glance. His chair elevated to the ceiling and he began fixing the cracks, when suddenly snow burst in and filled up the whole floor, killing the ice climbers.

"What have I done?" cried Dr. Mario. "I let them die! That means I still can't get paid! NO! When will I ever get paid?"

He took the bodies of the ice climbers and threw them off a cliff...Samus and Zelda cried...and then began to date each other...

"WHAT A--" Dr. Mario yelled as more ghosts of previous smashers began to float near.

**Please review!**


	7. Ness

!-- i havent updated this one in a mad long time, alright ill use ness for this one. - 

Chapter 7: Ness

Dr. Mario was staring at a picture at two elderly people who smiled, as Dr. Mario wiped a tear off of his face and smiled back. He heard a knock and said "Come in!"

Ness walked through the door. "Are those your parents or grandparents?" he said, sounding understanding.

"No, I don't know them, I found that picture in the store but that old lady is hot."

Ness tried to ignore this to the best of ability and while draining out Dr. Mario's, brought out his own problem. "I love video games too much. Can you help?"

"Sure! I'll think of something."

They both went to Ness' house. Dr. Mario stared as Ness was endlessly pushing buttons and glaring at the screen.

"It says something, right?" said Ness.

"Yeah, especially since there's no game in there. All right, what we need to do is take all of your games and make you hate them."

Dr. Mario touched a game causing Ness to scream in fear.

"Just chill, I'm trying to help you."

"No, don't, please don't, please don't..."

"Calm down, calm down, you clearly play too many video games--"

"No! I don't! I play a normal amount!"

"Then why did you come to me!"

"I don't know, but I don't!"

"Just admit you have a problem," said Dr. Mario.

"NEVER! I have a problem," Ness added before Dr. Mario could open his mouth in another attempt to get him to admit it.

"All right, now let's focus on working on it. What is the hardest part about this?"

"It's just, all my friends at school tell me to play video games, they're all 'it's cool, just keep doing it!' and I'm all 'no, they're bad for you!' and they're all 'just one time' and now I'm hooked!"

Suddenly, Dr. Mario got an idea. "Well, can I touch them now?"

"Sure, but give them back," said Ness worriedly.

"Sure," said Dr. Mario, reaching over. He grabbed a video game and tossed it at Ness, hitting him on the head.

"Ow!" screamed Ness. "What was that fo—ow!" Another video game had struck his head. Soon, game after game flew at Ness, hitting him continuously. "STOP! Why, video games, why? Why cause me this much pain? I HATE YOU! YOU WERE NEVER THERE FOR ME!" He shot fire at the video games flying at them, and when they were burnt, burnt the whole pile near him.

Ness breathed heavily, calming down.

"You got rid of them, Ness! You got rid of your problem!" In excitement, Dr. Mario slammed the last video game on Ness' head, unaware he was holding it, knocking him out. He brought him back to the office.

He was angry when he woke back up, so he powered up fire and shot it, but then got up so fast it hit him before it got anywhere and burnt him to a crisp.

"Oh, man..." said Dr. Mario. "Hey, I still got this video game!"

He got up from his seat, looked at the picture of the old lady on the wall and raised his eyebrows back and forth, then inserted the game in the slot and began playing. The game was "Dr. Mario." As he played it, he wondered if he would ever get any money or if he would continue to kill all of his patients.


	8. Mr Game and Watch

I havent updated this in a long time, so I am now. This chapter will be about Mr. Game and Watch.

Chapter 8: Mr Game and Watch

Dr. Mario was counting how many specks of dirt on the ceiling there was, as he found this to be one of the most thrilling activites he's ever done, with the exception of seeing how long he could stare at the door. The door was opened, revealing Mr. Game and Watch.

"What's wrong with you?" said Dr. Mario, knowing that truly drilling into a patient's brain to get them to be open about their problems would be hours and hours of work.

"I have insomnia," said Mr. Game and Watch.

"That was fast. You can't sleep, then?"

"No, I tried everything. Walking my dog, cleaning my house, everything!"

"What does any of that have to do with you not being able to sleep?"

"Oh, those are for some other problems."

"Yeah, Al-Anon is across the street."

"Sweet, thanks. But what about my insomnia?"

"Have you tried any perscriptions yet?" Dr. Mario asked, knowing that he hadn't but thinking of what to do while he stalled.

"No."

"I got it! Come outside with me."

They both went outside and saw a pile of logs.

"What will they do?" asked Mr. Game and Watch curiously.

Dr. Mario struggled to pick up a log with both hands and with all the power he had, threw it at Mr. Game and Watch's head. He fell down on the ground.

"Are you asleep?" said Dr. Mario. He got no response. Mr. Game and Watch, was, however, asleep, never to wake up again.

That chapter was short and sorry for the mad long wait for such a short chapter, but there will prob be a twist in events soon, so hopefully, soon, your wait will pay off.


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